There are a lot of people cleverer than me in the world but I find I have to seek them out. The following is a review of many of the influences that have shaped my thinking, beliefs and knowledge - both in regard to the game and to life in general:
Founded by Ross Jeffries, Speed Seduction is an approach to meeting and influencing people which is based on NLP. I found the SS site in 1997 while hanging out in the computer room of my Swedish girlfriend’s university in Stockholm. I’d already been into NLP for 5 years at that time so I knew that a lot of what Ross was saying made sense. The Basic Home Study Course and the Unstoppable Confidence Tapes are well worth buying. People often make the mistake of thinking that all there is to SS is the patterns but it goes a lot deeper than that – working with attitudes, beliefs and inner game. I was a special guest at Ross’ London Seminar a few years ago in London. Thanks Ross!!
Mystery is a legend in the Community. I got into his ideas in 2000 and he has influenced me a lot. I’ve been out with Mystery in London and his game is truly awesome – it’s no hype. He remains the best out there in my book. He has recently hosted his own VH1 TV show!
Originated by Richard Bandler and John Grinder (first written about in their ‘The Structure of Magic’ books) after they modelled the communication behaviour and ways of thinking of very successful people such as Milton Erickson, Virginia Satir and Fritz Perls. NLP is a way of using your brain to communicate more effectively often through noticing how we use language to change our and other people’s states.
The most important figure in modern hypnosis, Erickson founded the indirect approach to inducing and utilising trance, allowing him to achieve success with even the most resistant clients. Erickson’s techniques have been widely studied as models for therapy, influence and communication in general. His ideas and techniques helped found NLP.
One of the earliest and best sites I discovered was Pickup Guide – charting the adventures of Maniac High, a Canadian living in Tokyo, Japan. The episodes which Maniac recounts was a strong influence and he was definitely a role model for the kind of life I wanted to develop. I saw elements of myself in Maniac and he provided the impetus to push things to the next level for me.
I’ve known Style for years online and we kept missing each other in real life for what seemed like ages. I was in Australia with Veroxii and missed Style and Mystery there by 2 days. He was in Seville 2 days after I left so I wrote a ‘Welcome To Spain’ message and dropped it at his hotel for him to collect. We’d talked on the phone and he invited me to meet in London and to visit at Project Hollywood, but it wasn’t until his book launch party for his new book ‘The Game’ that we finally got to meet in person. Neil is a super nice guy, very cool. He has worked hard to achieve the success he enjoys.
One of the people to really stand out on mASF not long after I joined was Toecutter. His posts ‘smelled’ very congruent and alpha from the start. He quickly became a pillar of the community and I’m proud to say he is a friend of mine. He gave me the lowdown on the Melbourne nightlife before I went to Australia (and I layed HB Writer in Melbourne – thanks Toecutter!) and he is a master at using palmreading in his sarges. His palmreading ebook is strongly recommended.
‘Double Your Dating’, founded David DeAngelo (David D to his friends) has achieved a huge following and gained a lot of respect within the Community from his straight-talking, easy to follow explanations of what works and what doesn’t. There’s more to DYD than ‘cocky funny’, and he has been able to draw on a host of top notch guest speakers and interviewees to build and consolidate his reputation.
Tyler has remarkable insight and a super sharp brain when it comes to social dynamics. His posts are some of the best regarded in the Community and such is his influence that he has been able to exponentially grow his site – RealSocialDynamics – with Papa at the business helm. Tyler and Papa are old friends of mine and I’ve helped them out as a guest instructor on their workshops. I’ve taken a lot from Tyler (or TD as he is also known) - for example busting a girl and frame setting. A recurring talent I see in Tyler is his ability to articulate concretely what happens in the field – events/techniques which I have experienced intuitively for years but have not been able to put into words. I regularly read Tyler’s posts and inwardly exclaim ‘I’ve had that happen too!’.
Renegade hypnotist – I first got into Major Mark through his work with Speed Seduction. He is an excellent story teller and full of ‘Markness’ – his own personal blend of confidence, self-belief and leadership ability. He is great at installing strong beliefs and expanding one’s sense of possibility. His worldview is certainly worth incorporating and he is an all round inspiring guy. Check out his work on the characteristics of the romantic hero and read his books – ‘Scoring With Married Women’ and ‘Building A Better Girlfriend’.
Along with John Grinder, one of the originators of NLP. Bandler, to me, is the creative genius behind the movement and he is one of the most charismatic teachers and story-tellers in the world. So many others have learned from Bandler – including Ross Jeffries, Tony Robbins and Mark Cunningham to name but a few. Bandler has written many excellent books on achieving excellence and he is someone everyone should read at least once to get in touch with how their own mind works. I particularly enjoyed ‘Using Your Brain For A Change’, ‘Transformations’ and ‘Patterns of Milton Erickson Volume 1′. Bandler is especially good in the area of state control and inner game – even if he is not community, explicitly.
Professor of psychology, Cialdini is an expert in the area of persuasion and influence. His major contribution to this area in terms of community value is his book ‘Influence – the Psychology of Persuasion’. Cialdini has done extensive field research on what works to influence people and he describes them in his chapters ‘Weapons of Influence’. I drew on these ideas whilst writing a chapter of Tao of Stevie to show how his ideas can be directly utilised in PUA game.
Professor for the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford University, Richard Dawkins is a hero of mine not only because of his specific ideas regarding life and its evolution e.g. in his books ‘The Selfish Gene’ and ‘The Blind Watchmaker’, but also for showing me HOW to think critically in a more general way. This is something we should all be taught at school and by our parents but is often lacking in our education. His ‘A Devil’s Chaplain’, is an excellent series of essays on thinking about the modern world. Most recently ‘The God Delusion’, has got me pondering my place in the universe. I must go back to review ‘Unweaving The Rainbow’ – we truly are lucky to be alive considering all the trillions of people who could be born and are not.
Robbins goes from strength to strength, it seems. I first got into him through his use of NLP in his book ‘Unlimited Power’, and later in ‘Awaken The Giant Within’. Tony has become hugely successful and is one of the world’s most inspiring speakers. Just check out some of his motivational talks on the web to see this in action. Many Community guys recommend taking his ‘Personal Power 2′ course.
Ridley is the author of ‘The Red Queen’, an excellent evolutionary psychology book that describes how males and females have evolved to compete with each other. It takes its name from a character in ‘Alice in Wonderland’, who has to run ever faster to keep up with the increasing pace of life around her. Such is the scenario for living species who depend on outwitting each other for long term survival and evolution. It leads to a selective ‘arms race’ of gradual improvement.
Miller’s thesis is simple yet powerful – that the human mind evolved to become so relatively powerful and intelligent because of sexual selection pressures – humans preferred to mate with witty, creative and intelligent partners who in term were more likely to give birth and nurture offspring with these ‘sexy’ traits. This would explain why human brains grew so large so fast – when for millions of years they remained very much unchanged and human(oid)s were well able to survive and replicate with much smaller brains than today. With sexual selection and runaway – where a trait snowballs in size and effect due to selection, the human psyche evolved and changed to become adapted to selection pressures. In today’s world we still see men who are witty, funny, intellectually superior (and often thus wealthier) getting more female attention. Miller’s book is worth a look for sure. Perhaps read ‘The Red Queen’ and/or ‘The Selfish Gene’ first as a primer.
Baker’s book ‘Sperm Wars’ is an easy to follow and interesting to read account of how males and females interact at an evolutionary level of sexual selection. He provides (sometimes racy) scenarios for a series of people having sexual encounters and then analyses their behaviour in view of the latest scientific research. Recommended to anyone who wants to get a better understanding of why humans act they do in the sexual sphere.
- Natural Mike
During my first inter-rail journey across Europe, I encountered one of the most charismatic people I’ve met – a guy I came to term Natural Mike. I met him on the ferry from Italy to Greece and very early on knew he had some of the best game I’d ever seen, yet he didn’t know what he was doing. We decided to travel together for the next few weeks and I ended up moving in with him in Germany for a couple of months so I could study him in greater detail. I modelled his style of communication for 9 months and he pushed my game to be more outgoing, talkative and commanding.
- Gere
Another natural who I met in England and went out on the town with for months. He gets his name from having grey hair like Richard Gere (though he is only in his 30s). Gere is another excellent talker who leads the frame immediately and uses the technique of ‘dominant listening’, which I have written about in the past.
- My Family
From an early age it became clear to me that one side of my family was a lot more sociable than the other. My mother’s side of the family loved going out, doing things socially, having a party, seeing new places and being rather open in their feelings. On my father’s side they were more reserved, stay-at-home types and much less emotional. Guess which side appealed to me more? It may be a ‘which came first, the chicken or the egg?’ type question but I did feel drawn to the more sociable side of my family either because I was born more like them or because they rubbed off onto me. So I consciously determined to involve myself with these positive role models whenever I could, taking opportunities to visit that side of the family and generally be around them to develop that side of my personality and have a model of the world that meeting people and communicating with them is normal and fun.
From my family’s social dynamics, I developed the idea of the ‘Anti-Role Model’ – someone you use as a model to move away from. They provide you with an example of what you ought to avoid doing and becoming.
In this case it was my father and his reserved communication style. He is a well-meaning man most of the time, it’s just that he not only didn’t provide a positive example of how to communicate openly but also that he impinged negatively without his knowing it. For example, I caught myself using his passive-aggressive techniques with people in my teens and early twenties having unconsciously modelled his, ultimately, destructive attempts to manipulate the people around him.
Being aware of Anti-Role Models can:
1. Raise our awareness of what to (atavistically) avoid in ourselves
2. Remind us to avoid such people as much as possible and instead involve ourselves with much more positive and inspiring examples of how to live our lives.
