Usually I keep my serious PUA activities away from my AFC friends simply because the two don’t mix very well. I’ve learned the necessity of this from the many times AFC friends have nullified the work I’ve been doing.

That’s not to say I don’t socialise and meet people when out with my AFC friends.

Occasionally the two worlds unintentionally collide like a ship and an ice berg. This happened last night when I was out with Ken, my AFC school buddy, when a boisterous pseudo-lesbo 2 set found their spaceship caught in my tractor beam.

I’m writing this up as a reminder of how many ways an AFC can mess it up for you unintentionally.

I met Ken at a local bar and we had a quick drink before moving on to a quieter place where we could talk more easily. We had some catching up to do as I hadn’t seen him in over a week.

We were trying to chat but there was a group playing a video game in the corner. They kept making a stupid group noise whenever one of the players was about to make a shot. I ignored it for a while but they kept on and on. 

I was in an ‘I don’t give a shit’, mood. It’s the same mood where I want to ask bouncers “do you think you are hard?”, just to find out their response. I did ask that question last night to a bouncer, but that is a different story.

So I shouted across to this group of about 8 people – “do you HAVE to make that stupid noise?” They took notice and soon moved off.

What I hadn’t counted on happening was that a 2 set of girls nearby would be attracted by my ballsy attitude. It broke their expectations, I assume. They didn’t normally hear one guy tell a big group of people to basically shut the hell up. These are the girls who are attracted to ass-hole behaviour.

One of the girl says “Can I have a crisp”? (i.e. a potato chip). It’s a chick opener, apparently.

My PUA radar went off and I knew it was on.

Ken was standing there frozen, not knowing what the hell was happening.

I say back to her “A crisp or a kiss”? – Playing with phonetic ambiguity like a judo master using the force of her attack back on her.

I make a deal with her that she’ll get a crisp for a kiss and she agrees. Ambiguity resolved. I move in and wait for her to kiss me, which she does.

Her friend is a dyke wannabe, but has nice tits. The kiss girl is Debbie.

They start playfully shit testing me because they find me attractive. I give it all back to them with interest. They ask if we are gay after I’ve told them that wannabe lesbo has something in common with me – we both like pussy.

I up the ante with everything they say. Am I gay? Sure, I just got back from sucking Ken off in the toilets, I tell them. They love this and pretty soon the conversation has progressed, or should I say degenerated, into a pretty obscene exchange of sexual insults, lies and banter. They love it.

Ken is still frozen there looking distinctly embarrassed.

Having tested me and found I could give it back just as well as they could dish it out, they turn on Ken.

Please no. Not Ken with all this sexual banter. The guy is unreservedly AFC even though I have schooled him in all the basics of what to do and not to do in the field. I might as well have talked to myself after having seen him flop tonight.

“Stevie doesn’t mean it”

“Stevie says things he doesn’t mean”

“Stevie is only joking with you, let it go”

I am standing there half wanting to hit him and half pleased that he is not letting the AFC team down at all. He is their star player tonight.

Normally I’d be getting increasingly infuriated at this point but I still have that ‘I don’t give a shit attitude’, and because I am almost expecting a star AFC performance from Ken, I’m mildly amused to watch him squirm. They’re asking him if he does things with parts of his body and kitchen appliances.

“Just ignore Stevie, let it roll off you like water off a duck’s back”, he stammers.

“Er, I’ve never thought about that combination before”, he manages.

I decide to act like I am running a workshop and start installing affirmations into Ken’s mind at the same time he is sweating the shit tests in front of the girls.

“Ken – we make no excuses for our desires as men”

“Ken – we take what we want with authority. NO EXCUSES Ken”.

The girls have no clue what is going on. They just think I’m running a routine for their amusement. They’re enjoying his discomfort for sure, though.

Then the wannabe lesbo chick notices my T-shirt. It says “Enjoy my cock, it’s the real thing”, just like the Coca-Cola logo.

They switch back to me. I am kissing the lesbo chick, discussing her tits with her, chatting about 3somes with the Debbie chick. Ken is still frozen at the side of the table.

Debbie gets a phone call, leaving me and wannabe lesbo speaking French, she telling me she likes ‘la chat’. Me too. Miaow. We switch to German to discuss ‘mein shwantz”.

I decide to blow out of there and hit up a classier venue, leaving the 2 chicks not knowing what hit them. More interesting to me is Ken’s coming reaction once we get outside.

He says he thought they were going to hit me seeing how angry they were with me. I tell him they were attracted to me and were loving it. Ken couldn’t see IOIs of they slapped him on the face or kissed his face for food. I remind him how Debbie came back for more after her phone call. I pointed out they had both kissed me.

Why would she come back if she was not enjoying it. This has Ken bamboozled because it’s undeniably true but it doesn’t fit into his model of reality.

He ends up making excuses, the biggest one being that he did not make any excuses to the girls. Like St Peter, he denies me at least 3 times. We head off down the road.

Back to keeping the AFC and PUA worlds apart.