As a teenager I would hide my intent when liking a girl until, on my way to school, I ended up sarging by accident the wife-to-be of a professional English footballer. We’re talking about beginner’s luck here but I was crazy and confident enough at that time to just let her know I liked her in a direct way. My friends were amazed at my balls and I didn’t care about the outcome. I had other girls into me yet this girl was something special. My friends were amazed at my ability to just tell her, and those around us, that I ‘fancied’ her. That was the word back then in Newcastle. This was a hot babe (HB) who went on to marry a Newcastle United footballer and manager of a top English football league team.

Today at work I still use playful sexual banter (but I pay attention to who I use it around and how strong I lay it on – calibration is crucial). Likewise, in your socialising or dating with girls, don’t be afraid to use playful sexual language. You just have to calibrate when to use it and to learn to fractionate between sexual references and non-sexual references.

Say, for example, you go into a restaurant with a girl and you say it’s not a big place but you like to eat here. You latch on to the idea of size and say ‘I was always told it’s not the size but the enjoyment you get out of it, that’s until I realised the people who used to say that to me all had small feet. You know what they say about guys with small feet, don’t you? That they need small shoes…but anyway…”.

By being playfully sexual in this way you are showing the girl you have balls but also have some class. Tone it up or tone it down to fit the company you are in. What you need to think about is being a sexual being. Have balls, enjoy yourself, don’t be a wuss and calibrate.

In case you wondered, that footballer’s wife got involved with the police and their big truncheons. That put me off her for the time being. Sorry, Lorraine!

Getting a balance in your life is important. Sitting in England, I’m hit by bills almost every week – rent, utilities, council tax, insurance, fuel…the list goes on. Though I am in a well paying job, it’s almost impossible to save any money. Factor in the mediocre climate and average social life on offer and I find myself evaluating where I want to be. It’s not counter-balanced by anything exceptional.

I worked in Madrid several years ago and there I also saved little but the city offered a great climate, amazing social life and more adventures in 6 months than I’ve had in the last 18 months in England. In Madrid I closed girls from Finland (she had a Spanish boyfriend), two Americans, two Swedish HBs laid me, plus a flamenco dancer was a near close (and I remember getting a fake number from a super hot German). That was without really trying to meet people because I was tied up with work commitments.

There was a terrific area for nightlife called Malasaña where we hit up cutting edge clubs, a grungy area across the road in Lavapies, good bars in the Fontana del Oro and O’ Neills and an international student centre where me and my wing, John, met even more cuties every week.

Then there was the famous English magazine published in Madrid with its language ‘Intercambios’ section at the back. ‘Intercambios’ translates as exchanges – this amounted to Spanish girls wanting to meet an English speaker to practise their language skills. For us it meant a not to be missed opportunity to hang out with Spanish girls and their friends in pubs. We spent dozens of evenings meeting with Spanish girls, usually speaking more English than Spanish and often abandoning them for hotter chicks in the venue who’d seen us holding a set of 3 intercambio chicas for half an hour.

Then there was the 6 months I spend in Seville and met Tania, one the best girls I’ve had the pleasure to biblically ‘know’.

There’s a lot to commend moving on and, though it’s a big move, I’m inclining towards it.