How we talk to ourselves and to other people influences how we process the world FAR more than most people realise. I learned this years ago when studying Ericksonian hypnosis and Speed Seduction. Major Mark Cunningham once said ‘Naming something makes it real. Describing it brings it to life’. By discussing emotional states with a target (having first established value in her eyes), an accomplished seducer can begin to take control of his target’s internal representations. Decisions are state-based, so if you want to influence someone’s decision making, first influence their state.
My SS training awakened my mind to languaging in wider fields of influence than just seduction e.g. using language skills in job interviews, training people, giving presentations and writing. It also tweaked my perception when it comes to listening to other people. I am, due to my language training, constantly running analysis programs in my sub-conscious to find the hidden meaning of communication. It happens automatically now.
Typically, this will be noticing what a person says, how it ties to their body language (congruence), their tone, their background (country, region, class, probabilistic social milieu etc) their current state and so on. Having this ‘insider’ information can be vital in gaining leverage over someone when it comes to persuasion, influence, rapport-building, and seduction.
As I mentioned, this linguistic analysing is something I am always doing, and it extends beyond the particular to the ordinary – from seduction situations to more general communication. Recently I heard the following interesting linguistic constructions:
- “The 11.30 train on platform 2 has been RETIMED to 11.55. This is due to track maintenance.”
What they seem to mean is DELAYED. But ‘retimed’ sounds so much more positive and blame free. This is frame-setting. Think of a watch being set to the correct time. It’s now become a service they are doing for you and me, and no longer a fuck up on their part (thanks Huddersfield Mark for your spin on this!).
- “This film is RELEASING July 23rd. “
I heard this at the cinema. Releasing WHAT? They mean ‘being released’, but using a passive seems to lack impact or energy, perhaps. No one is doing the action. Better to suggest the film is doing the releasing all itself. Then, if it fails to recoup its investment, no one knows which company did the releasing? Also, ‘releasing’ makes it sound imminent and, thus, more powerful – like it is happening right now (thanks Mark, again). Linguistically weird but it might catch on in our non-blame culture.
- “Troops in Afghanistan will be DRAWN DOWN by 2015”
Don’t they mean WITHDRAWN, but want to keep it positive? It amounts to the same thing – goodbye lots of troops, time to come home. I am willing to bet there will come a time when ‘drawn down’ will, itself, have gained a negative connotation and it will need to be replaced as a phrase with another one, less pejoratively tainted one for future war troop withdrawals.
The same thing happened with words for describing black people – n**ger, Negro, black, coloured, African American and on it goes. Each time a word gets a negative association, a new term comes along. Will I be starring out ‘negro’ in a few decade’s time? The same happens with swear words. ‘Bloody’ used to be very strong. Now, you’d get away with it in parliament without a bit of trouble.
The moral of the story? Realise that WORDS can influence people, that their connotations change and it pays to be aware of how words affect the listener. This lends to mastery of reality-based linguistic communication.